Sharing is Therapy - Part 2

>> Thursday, November 27, 2014

Sifat yang perlu ada semasa di hospital.

Tenang
Sab masih lagi perlu bertenang. Tak menangis. Tak sempat nak menangis pun sebenarnya. Sab rasa kalau korang menangis pun, sila jangan bising sebab kita sekarang berada di hospital iaitu zon orang sedang serabut dan tiada siapa heran dengan tangisan kita. Huhu. Maka, yang sab lakukan adalah menunggu dengan tenang.

Jujur.
Doctor akan tanya banyak soalan. Serious banyak soalan. Cth…awak siapa? semalam buat apa? Semalam makan apa? Pergi mana? Suami tinggal di mana? Suami sakit apa? Siapa doctor yang selalu rawat suami? Ada demam or sakit apa apa before this? Suami selalu makan ubat apa? Macam mana boleh jatuh? Jatuh dari mana? Sebelum jatuh tengah buat apa? Banyak giler soalan… Lebih dari yg sab state kat sini. Jawab sahaja dengan jujur tanpa berselindung satu apa pun. Kalau tak tahu pun cakap sahaja tak tahu tanpa rasa malu. Because I am a big fan of Grey’s Anatomy, from what I watched, it’s not a good thing if doctor missed an info.

Jangan marah marah
Soalan banyak dari doctor kan? Kita tengah runsing dan takut kan? Selalunya orang yg takut akan marah marah. Maka, adalah penting di sini untuk sab terus fokus tenang dan tidak marah. Cuba fikir, doctor tu jugak yang akan cuba sedaya upaya menyelamatkan suami kita. Memarahi doctor tidak akan membantu kita apa apa.

Sabar
Doctor atau pegawai perubatan akan ulang kali keluar masuk bilik. Samada keluar dengan soalan, atau keluar dengan berita gembira atau sedih. The conversation I had with the doctor was like this, it’s tattooed in my mind already.
“Puan, maaf, kami tidak dapat selamatkan suami puan.”
“Sudah try semua? Memang sudah tak boleh?”
“Ye puan.”
“Ok….. Terima kasih ya”
"Puan boleh masuk untuk lihat suami puan”
Sometimes when i flash back the memory, i myself could not even comprehend why i was so..i dont know...the conversation i had with the doctor when she broke the bad news...it sounded like... i wasnt sad at all..like i took this lightly.  

No. i was actually very very very heart broken. Shattered to pieces. Rasa macam nak bunuh diri sendiri ikut mati jugak. But i didn't.

When the doctor walked away. I said Innalillahi wainnailaihi rojiuun. And then I cried for a while. And then I remind myself not to cry. Sab tahan. Sebab sab fikir sab ada banyak benda untuk diuruskan dan sab tak boleh menangis sekarang. It's like fighting with own self. Sakit tau sebenarnya. But kita harus bersabar. Dan jangan sesekali meraung.

I gathered my strength. Genggam tangan, pejam mata and reminded myself “This is real. Face it”
So I walked into the emergency door. And there was my beloved husband, covered with white hospital blanket. Waktu tu kita akan rasa lemah macam tak boleh nak berjalan, but we have to keep going and tahan semua perasaan yang kita ada.
Berdiri di sebelah dia…sab pegang tangan dia… usap rambut dia…tengok muka dia puas puas… and I kissed him and I said… “Daddy…I am sorry….” and from that moment…I keep on reciting below doa for him until he was buried…and I prayed hard to Allah to let everything went smoothly for him. 
 
Beritahu rakan rakan, keluarga dan pejabat
Sab call and informed mak yg waktu tu tengah on the way with abah and danial, my younger brother.

Sab tiada ibu bapa mertua. So sab informed adik ipar. Sebelum tu masa sedang menunggu pun sab sudah beritahu adik ipar what happened.  Abang ipar ade dalam flight ke oversea waktu tu.

Sab informed best friend suami. Sab cari nombor telefon siapa yg sab simpan. So sab telefon seorang and then he informed the rest. Bagi yang sudah berkahwin, adalah penting di sini untuk kita tahu siapa kawan-kawan baik suami dan simpan nombor telefon mereka. So if something like this happened, they deserve to know among the firsts. Alhamdulillah, sab pernah ikut suami hang out dengan kawan kawan dia so I had no problem interacting with his friends.

Sab informed immediate boss. It happened on Sunday. So the office would know why I wouldn’t  be around the next day or day after or days after….  

Sab informed few of close friends that I could think of at that time.

So begitulah, and the words spread. Thank you to Facebook and Mobile Phones.

Bertanya
Jangan lupa tanya pada pegawai perubatan lepas ni kita perlu buat apa? and mereka pulak perlu buat apa? Sab tanya soalan soalan mcm ni:

“Lepas ni macam mana ya?”
“Mandi mayat boleh diuruskan di hospital tak?”
“Ade van untuk hantar ke masjid and kubur tak?”
“Ada apa-apa borang perlu isi tak?”
“Bayaran semua macam mana  ya?”

Pihak hospital beritahu yang husband perlu dibawa ke jabatan forensik.
 
Bertindak dengan segera
And since suami meninggal secara mengejut dan masih muda. Maka, ikut prosedur, perlu dibedah. Post mortem. Untuk mengetahui punca kematian. Mengetahui yang husband perlu dibedah….i was like dalam hati “what?! No it would hurt him”

“Eh, tak nak tak nak. Saya tak nak dia dibedah.Saya nak uruskan secepat yang mungkin”
“Harus dibedah puan, memang prosedur. Kalau puan tak benarkan, puan perlu report ke balai polis and dapatkan kebenaran hakim, lepas  tu baru kami tak bedah. Hari ni hari Ahad puan, kalau doctor tiada, post mortem mungkin esok and kebumi esok.”

Bila dengar macam tu rasa mcm nak marah kan? Sebab kita takut and tak nak arwah dikebumi esok. So I have to remind myself again to Tenang dan Jangan Marah Marah.
What I did after that were these and I had to settle them fast: Buat police report, Request Permit Kubur, Book van untuk bawak pergi masjid and kubur, follow through on whats happening in jabatan forensik, follow through on penggali kubur, pemandi jenazah, etc... 

Semua semua tu harus dibuat dengan cepat and I was determined to settle everything that day, before sun set.
 
Berjaya tak before sun set? Di bedah atau tidak? Ha… nantikan Part 3. Hehe.

Conclusion, have these traits when you are in hospital.
  1. Tenang
  2. Jujur
  3. Jangan Marah Marah
  4. Sabar
  5. Beritahu Rakan, Keluarga, Pejabat
  6. Bertanya
  7. Bertindak dengan segera.
 
Love, S

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Sharing is Therapy - Part 1

>> Tuesday, November 25, 2014

What to do when you are in tough situation. Apakah yang kita perlu lakukan apabila berada dalam situasi yang sukar?

Tenang Diri
Ok yang pertama ini sebenarnya agak susah nak buat. Sab pun memula gagal. Waktu suami rebah, sab mcm terkejut tak terkata sab ingat dia main-main tapi rupanya memang betul sebab dia tak bagi respon, pastu apa lagi sab menjerit panggil Mak sampai rumah depan pun dengar. Huhu. Pastu cemas macam nak gila cakap “Daddy…bangunlah jangan tinggal Mommy..Daddy…jangan tinggal Mommy”. lutut lemah tak terdaya nak bangun. Tapi lepas tu, kena marah dengan mak pastu baru senyap, tersedar, terus reset otak I need to stay calm I need to stay calm.

Boleh bayangkan tak? Boleh kan? Hehe. Maka, we need to stay calm. Kalau tak calm, kita akan gila meraung tak ingat Allah. Please. Stay. Calm..

Dapatkan Bantuan.
Lepas sudah tenang baru otak boleh berfikir dengan waras. Baru sab terfikir jiran sebelah adalah doctor and suruh Mak panggil. Kalau korang ade kawan2 doctors, telefon aje and inform them. They would try their best to be there and help, insyaAllah.

Lepas sudah tenang baru boleh ambil telefon and terus call 999. Tang ini memang sakit hati lah sebab support team suruh kita check suami buat itu ini bla bla bla. Sakitnya hati. Kita nak dia cepat hantar ambulan tapi dia suruh kita buat itu ini pulak. Tapi Sab tak marah lah. Time tu tak boleh nak marah dah. Sab faham diorang ikut prosedur maka sab cuma terus bagi alamat and cakap “Boleh terus hantar ambulan tak? Saya memang dah tak tau nak buat apa tak boleh fikir dah ni.”
At the same time abah sab pun call ambulan. Ambulan dari tempat kerja dia kot.
So that morning, ada dua ambulan yang sampai. Yg sab call sampai lambat. Yg abah call sampai cepat.


Dokumen Penting
Sab capai wallet husband and purse sendiri and ikut Ambulan bawa husband ke HSI. Manalah tau pihak pihak berkenaan nak tengok IC ke ape ke… and manalah tau kita kena bayar apa apa ke.. so jangan lupa ya. And Alhamdulillah I brought along the IC.


Doa
Berdoa berdoa berdoa. In your heart. Or with your lips. Just keep on making doa. That’s what I did when I was in the ambulance. I didn’t know whether husband would be ok or not. All I know was I kept on praying in my heart for forgiveness from Allah… for husband to be OK and… if it’s not OK for Allah to give me strength to go through the situation.

Alhamdulillah I managed to stay calm in the end.
Alhamdulillah neighbors came and helped.
Alhamdulillah traffic was good and smooth.
Alhamdulillah for His strength in me.

 
So that’s it. What to do when you are in tough situation:
  1. Keep Calm
  2. Seek Help
  3. Important Documents
  4. Doa

I guess it can be applied in any situation.

Stay tuned for Part 2.
*smiles*


Love, S

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Wide Awake

>> Sunday, November 23, 2014

It's 12.46 AM and i am still wide awake i can't sleep. I don't know why. Usually i slept early.
Watching Hanee's sleeping face makes me smiles. 90% ikut muka Daddy. Bibir mungil. Bulu mata panjang. Pipi pau. Muka bulat. But no dimple like Mommy. Huhu. But It's okay. =) Thank you Allah. Alhamdulillah.

Just installed a blogger app for mobile. This post is made from the app. I just wanna try the app and see how it goes.

I checked some of the blogs which i used to follow..some of them have stopped writing...since 2009..2012.. Some still writes but not as often as they used to. =) I understood...semua sudah bekerja and ada yg sudah berkahwin...so..ya...we dont have time to write anymore... hehe.

Hmm. I plan to write about the experience of losing a loved one...of giving birth...of struggles as single mother..of everything that we have experienced. =)

Please do not get me wrong. Bukannya nak menyedihkan diri dengan ingat perkara lepas. No no... sharing all those makes me happy and i hope we can learn something from it too. I know whats past is past and i need to move on. Hey, this is me moving on lah ni. Sebab dah start blogging. Haha.

Please wait patiently for the stories or experience, ya?

Take care all of you. Good night.

Love,
S

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Hellew~

>> Thursday, November 20, 2014

Bismillah.
Assalamualaikum. =)

Hellew~ I'm back!!

Pergh... it's been a loooongggg time, right? I guess i was sort of like....membawa diri? Eceh eceh. Huhu

One fine day...all of a sudden i realized how much i miss the old bubbly summer... i miss myself. Boleh ke gitu? Boleh kott... hehe. So.... here i am! Online.

I miss getting in touch with fellow readers...eceh. mcm still ade reader je.. haha.

Am not sure whether all of you are still blogging or reading...i dont know... but one thing am so sure is... a lot have changed in your life as well...

Hmm.. ok. I gotta go.

I promise i'll update this blog from now on. Miss you wittybubblynerdy!!

Keep in touch people!

Love,
S

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Live life to the fullest even if im not around...

>> Saturday, March 30, 2013


Here. 

A birthday post by him...years ago..
*smiles*

I love you Abang, I love you still.

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Peluk aku

Tuhan
Terima kasih

Izinkan
roh kami berpelukan
lagi

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From Hanafee to Sabrina

>> Thursday, January 3, 2013

This letter was written by my beloved husband years ago...before his mama; my mother-in-law passed away...thought of posting it here...to remind me how beautiful our love is...and how lucky I am to be his...

 
Sayang/mommy/Sabrina/my wife,
I couldn’t sleep at right now its 0141 Sunday. 25th May… I turned on your laptop and I thought id write you something… so here it is.

With every touch and kiss of you I fall in love even more. I think that sometimes it’s a dangerous thing, thinking how much I am addicted to your touch. Your kiss, your hugs, even as I’m writing this im thinking about the way you touch me, the way you hold my hand, the way you make me smile by just looking at me. I love you without hesitance. And with every touch you make me feel real. You make me feel safe. You make me feel……. Loved…

I wish I could let you know how much I love you, I wish I could let you understand just how much I love you…I wish I could turn the world upside down and be with you.

I wish I could whisper the words of love into you heart and not into your ear.

I wish I could kiss your lips and fall in love with you and kiss you again and fall again *repeat forever*

I wish I could close my eyes and with every breath I take, you draw closer and when I open my eyes I see you and I say “good Morning”

I wish I could stay like this with you forever…

I don’t like thinking about the future… its too full of uncertainties that it scares me… but when I think of our future, it’s a time I cannot wait to face. I cannot wait to be married and to share your responsibilities. I cant wait for our first night in bed together. I cant wait for the first time when I introduce you as “This is Sabrina, My wife”

I cant wait our first dinner in our first home. I cant wait for our first subuh solat together. I cant wait for our first breakfast the first morning we wake up together. I cant wait the first time I kiss you and tell you “thank you for giving birth to my son”… then again I cant wait for the next four times youre gonna give birth also to my sons

I cant wait for our first fight as husband and wife, I cant wait for the first time we apologize to each other as husbands and wife. I cant wait to come home to you and hear you say “how was your day abang?”

I cant wait for the first time we answer our kids “How did you guys meet?” I cant wait to tell them how nervous I was when I first saw you. I cant wait for our kids to say “Eeeiiii mommy ngan daddy tak malu lah bleh plak peluk peluk kat dapur eiiii…”

I cant wait for the first time they tell they’re friends “My dad tu ntah apa apa and my mom kuat berleter…… but they love each other so much..”

I cant wait to call our children and ask them “Korang balik raya ngan mommy ngan daddy tak cuti ni?”

I cant wait to kiss you fifty years from now as husband and wife and still fall in love with you…… I cant wait to tell the world ive been married to my wife for 50 years and I love her even more then when I met her….

I cant wait to kiss you every night before we sleep and everyday when we wake up…..

I cant wait for our first raya as husband and wife…. I cant wait to treat your family like my own. I cant wait to say to your mom or dad “Mak.. mak sorang kat jb ni… mak datang duduk dengan fee ngan ina lah mak…. Fee risau mak sorang kat sini…” This applies to your dad to I don’t mind and my mom too if you don’t mind

I cant wait for the first time when you kiss my moms hand and she pinches your nose gently and kiss your cheek and tell you “You’re my favorite daughter, you know that right?”

I cant wait for you to hug me gently when im facing a problem at work and you tell me “everythings gonna be ok….”

I cant wait to say “Youre right sayang… its gonna be ok…”
I cant wait to tell you “don’t worry sayang ill figure things our for us..”
I cant wait to hear you say “Youre right abang..” and youll hug me…..
I cant wait to kiss you fifty years from now and still fall in love with you….
I cant wait for our last kiss before I die and ill tell the heavens I loved and lived with an amazing woman who loved me thank you god… I didn’t think id be so lucky…
I cant wait to pick up our kids from school and telling them “Mommy masak best malam ni..”
I cant wait to hear you scream from the door of our house… “Daddy… dah dah bawak anak anak masuk mandi dah nak maghrib dah ni..dah lah main basketball tu…”
I cant wait to hear you say “Abang… sayang malas nak masak mlm ni… makan luar boleh??”
I cant wait to say “takperlah biar abang masak k??? ker say ada teringin nak makan aper aper??”
I cant wait to say “happy 1st anniversary!” “happy 10th anniversary!” “Happy 20th anniversary!!!”
“Happy 30th anniversary!!!” “Happy 40th Anniversary!!” and “Happy 50th Anniversary!!”
I cant wait to go to midvalley thirty years from now and say… “Remember this is where I first met you…”
I cant wait go to putrajaya with you and say “You remember???”
I cant wait to see you every valentines and buy you flowers with cards that say “You know I don’t celebrate valentines but it’s a good chance to buy you flowers to tell you youre still the love of my life.”
I cant wait to kiss you 50 years from now and still fall in love with you….
I cant wait for us be 70 and 69 and still together and in love with each other….

Have I mentioned that I cant wait to kiss you 50 years from now and still fall in love with you??? If I have its only because I really want it heheh…

But most of all I cant wait for the moment where we sit together on a bench somewhere looking at our grand kids playing and I turn to you and say “Ive done everything I ever wanted to in this world… its only meaningful because I have you…” 

I cant wait to hold your hand after that and kiss your cheek and say “After 50 years sayang…. I love you even more than the day I met you 50 years ago…. And as long as I shall live..my love for you is only going to grow… I love you sweetheart..”

p/s – after you read this, youre gonna tell me you want it in the blog and you can post it for me… I do sayang love you with everything I have and all those things I wrote I meant… I love you…. I hope you like this.. it didn’t cost much but its everything my poetic mind and soul can offer you… I love you

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